On The Bro'd

Every sentence of Jack Kerouac's On The Road,  retold for bros.

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8 - The Only Bros For Me Are The Awesome Ones

A raw fucking thing happened when Dean met Carlo Marx. Two total players that they are, they took to each other at the drop of a hat. Two hardcore eyes glanced into two hardcore eyes- the Natty-slugging player with the lacrosse shorts, and the MGD-chugging player with the popped collar that is Carlo Marx. From that moment on I saw very little of Dean, and I was a little sorry too. Their energies fucking tangled (no homo), I was a prude compared, I couldn’t shotgun PBRs as fast as them.

The whole insane clusterfuck of everything that was to come began then; it would mix up all my bros and all I had left of my family in a big keg-stand over the American Night. Carlo told him of Big Pauly, D-Rock, Jenni; C-Rock in Texas slamming whiskey, J-Rock in Toronto, M-Rock wandering in Times Square, fucking drunk out of his skull. And Dean told Carlo of bombass players at ASU like Tommy Snark, the ripped-as-hell bouncer and online poker genius. He told him of Ralphie Johnson, Big Dong Dunkel, his boyhood buddies, his frat buddies, his innumerable girls and hookups and Hustler mags, his heroes, enemies, and fantasy football draft picks. Carlo and Dean rushed down the street together, bonging brews in the early way they had, which later became so much sadder and perceptive and a buzzkill. But then they strutted down the streets like total pimps, and I shambled after as I’ve been doing all my life after bros who interest me, because the only bros for me are the awesome ones, the ones who are mad to chug, mad to party, mad to bone, mad to get hammered, desirous of all the chicks at Buffalo Wild Wings, the ones who never turn down a Bud Light Lime, but chug, chug, chug like fucking awesome players exploding like spiders across an Ed Hardy shirt and in the middle you see the silver skull pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

1 year ago 89 notes

Tagged with:  #part one  #chapter one  #otb  #ed hardy  #no homo

  1. stella222 reblogged this from onthebrod and added:
    Reinterpretation or Kerouac’s classic. Fucking
  2. majesticmajesty reblogged this from onthebrod
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  5. saila reblogged this from onthebrod and added:
    see classic literature being translated...modern audience.
  6. littledoglaughs reblogged this from onthebrod and added:
    seen today. The best quote from Kerouac’s “On...Road,” as told by bros.
  7. bqbqbq reblogged this from onthebrod
  8. maggles reblogged this from onthebrod and added:
    most famous passage...Road. I’m speechless due
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  14. choicetheory reblogged this from onthebrod and added:
    sentence, for bro’s: On The Bro’d: 8 - The Only Bros For Me Are The Awesome Ones
  15. joneiseman reblogged this from onthebrod and added:
    45 minutes reading this whole blog, but if you don’t have...have to read this chapter. I...
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  19. publiczoo reblogged this from onthebrod and added:
    Jack Kerouac’s On
  20. tornadorex reblogged this from onthebrod and added:
    Go. Go read this now.
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  23. hyaenid reblogged this from onthebrod and added:
    most amazing tumblr.
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    Only Bros For Me Are The Awesome Ones - On The Bro’d Seriously. This is
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